Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Hi I’m Michael Phelps for Duncan Hines Pot Brownies

When the kids in the South Carolina University dorm room asked Michael Phelps to “pass that thing around so we can hold it”, they weren’t talking about one of fourteen gold medals he won at the 2004 or the 2008 summer Olympics. However there was a gold-digger in the crowd. That would be the person who took the photo of Mike drawing an Olympic size hit off an Olympic sized bong. The gold-digger sold this incriminating photo to a London tabloid and now Mike is being forced into mea culpa mode. But to be honest he has nothing to be sorry about, he was simply enjoying some weekend relaxation with some friends. So what if he likes to have a smoke now and again, he isn’t hurting anyone other than himself. His real crime was letting his guard down in a public situation. You can smoke if you wish, just go somewhere more private, I don’t know like maybe your house.

Because of societies attitudes about marijuana he is being forced to apologize to save his public image and many pending endorsement deals. Phelps acknowledged "regrettable" behavior and "bad judgment" after the photos surfaced.

I thought the poor guy might have Glaucoma. Who are we to judge? I'm not an Optometrists are you? He does wear those coke-bottle goggles when he swims. He won fourteen gold medals in the regular Olympics! He could easily double that count in the Special Olympics if he entered as a partially blind guy using weed for medicinal purposes only.

When you play Pink Floyd’s “The Dark Side of the Moon” backward Phelps breaks into a 200-meter backstroke. Even if he’s not near a pool…true story.

Marijuana is legal in some states but not all. Smokers risk damaging their lungs, but all in all it is probably less harmful to a person than alcohol. It’s less harmful to those around you than alcohol that’s for sure. We’ve all been around drunks at the bar who start fighting before you know it we’re all involved in the fracas because the two drunkards have slammed into us on the other side of bar.

That never happens when people are stoned….the only mild argument happens when it’s the last slice of pizza when the munchies kick in. “Dude I wanted it”…”But dude, I’m still hungry, but we can share” “Alright” "What were we just talking about again?"

The biggest issues I have with weed are the people that abuse it. It becomes part of their daily lifestyle. They started off just getting high before concerts…. then a few years later for sci-fi or action movies in the theater…then for sporting events. Years later they spark-up for any of the following special occasions: PTA meeting, taking the dog to the groomers, bringing the car in for repairs, the neighborhood garage sale, church; it’s really ridiculous at this point.

And just in case you think marijuana lovers are too baked to be vigilant, there’s NORML (National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws).

I take umbrage with the acronym NORML for several reasons…

If you all were so NORML you wouldn’t have to spell it UPPERCASE would you? I guess you are eyes too squinty from all the smoke to read Norml. And why were at it, couldn’t you have found a better acronym than NORML. WTF? Besides being in UPPERCASE it's missing the “A” from the word for chrissakes. Are you all too baked to come up with a different name? Call it HOOP (Hands Off Our Pot ) or WALL (Weeds Awesome Like Love).

Hopefully, Michael Phelps never becomes the national spokesman for NORML and tries to petition the 2012 Summer Games be held in Amsterdam, instead of London, so he can smoke even better competition.


Jillybean said...

WALL (Weeds Awesome Like Love), so true, so true. LOL.

Desiderata said...

First, I'd like to know what colour your 'flip-flops' are. Your post started out seemingly in the defence of the casual use of Marijuana when you said Phelps was just relaxing with some friends.Then changing your tone making derogotory comments about the Special Olympics.

I take umbrage with that.

You go on to demerit NORML. Did you not know that using uppercase is preferred in acronymns? What about NATO? Better yet, the DEA?

Additional errata includes:
*I guess you are eyes too squinty
^Did you mean 'YOUR eyes ARE too squinty'?
*it's missing the “A”
^ it's an ACRONYMN for 'CHRIST' SAKE'
Your grammar school English teacher would be ashamed of you.

I would like to suggest that you become more informed about the medical benefits of this 'weed'. Did you know that most pharmaceutical pain killers do more damage to your liver than alcoholism? Many of these deadly drugs can be replaced by an organic herb. That's just the issue with pain. Glaucoma, you are aware, is another medical condition that can be benefited by the use of marijuana. Go visit your local cancer institute and talk to some of their chemo patients.

Rather than rambeling other well known facts about the efforts for the reform of marijuan laws, I shall digress.
I can't say that I break into a backstroke when I play Pink Floyd,but I do use less OC, which costs NY WCB and the insurance company quite a bit. That cost will continue for the rest of my life since I have a PPD. (there's a few acronymns for ya)

If nothing else, please choose a side. Those fence posts can get uncomfortable after a while.