Friday, August 03, 2007

A Bad Job Interview

Interviewer: What makes you think you are qualified to do this job?
Candidate: I’m great with animals I have many pets myself

Interviewer: You know this is an accounting job right?
Candidate: You didn’t let me finish. I am great with animals but even better with Microsoft Excel.

What are your salary requirements?
Candidate: I prefer US currency, and I would like to get paid weekly. Not “weakly” meaning “this is a joke right??” weekly meaning once a week.

Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Candidate: Brilliant, Wealthy, Handsome, Well-hung, Superior athletic ability and last but not least extremely modest

Interviewer: At what point did you choose this career?
Candidate: As soon as I saw the job opening at

Interviewer: What specific goals have you established for your career?
Candidate: I have two career goals ; I hope never to be caught sleeping, and try to make it home each day before rush hour

Interviewer: How has your college experience prepared you for a business career?
Candidate: I learned supply and demand early on. When you are the only dude in the dorm with weed the supply is low, but the demand is very high, and you can sell it for an ass-load of cash

Interviewer: What were your reasons for selecting your college or university?
Candidate: First reason- no SAT’s required. Second- Warm weather

Interviewer: If you could do so, how would you plan your college career differently?
Candidate: I would have taken longer than six years to finish

Interviewer: Would you describe yourself as goal driven?
Candidate: Define goal driven

Interviewer: Do you have a geographic preference?
Candidate: Either girl on top or doggy style depends on the day

Interviewer: What do you think it takes to be successful in this career?
Candidate: The ability to kiss as much of the right ass as possible

Interviewer: Tell me about a major problem you recently handled. Were you successful in resolving it?
Candidate: I hooked up with this wild chick at the bar, she took me home, her husband came home while we were up in the bedroom, I jumped out a second story window into a bush and got away…problem resolved.

Interviewer: What kind of supervisor do you work best for? Provide examples
Candidate: I like a hands-off supervisor, the kind that will never bug me. Examples would be a boss that takes a lot of vacation, or the occasional leave of absence.

Interviewer: Okay, thanks for coming in today.
Candidate: When do I start?

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