Friday, June 29, 2007

iPhone uPhone hePhone shePhone

There is a segment of our population who by nature need to be first. This explains the opening weekend phenomenon of movies. The box office is never greater after that initial weekend due to the impetuous nature of those who need to be first. We either go opening weekend or just wait for the DVD, if we can’t be first we somehow feel slighted and don't go at all.

Same goes for people sleeping out for concert tickets, or sleeping outside the electronic store for the latest game cube, or the rush of shoppers on Black Friday. Businesses thrive on these types of consumers since they provide a free marketing buzz about the desired objects. Nothing draws a crowd like a crowd

This man-made marketing buzz leads others to ask “What am I missing here?”

To which the answer is NOTHING.

If you wish to be foolish enough to pay anywhere from $500-$600 dollars for a phone and wait in line to do so, be my guest. No question about it the iPhone is a great mobile device. You can download, play, and store movies, and music, take photos, email, IM, surf the web, and yes even make phone calls. But for $600 dollars it should have a built-in blowjob feature.

Good luck with the whole movie storage part. The iPhone only offers 4GB and 8GB of hard disk space, that won’t get to the closing credits for one than one full length movie. I’ve got more storage in my attic and I don’t even have an attic.

Another downside of the iPhone is your service provider; AT&T (Awful Technology and Telephony). I had AT&T wireless service once, only once. I had better wireless communication from my Walkie-Talkie as a child than I did with their service. My conversations got dropped more times than the next guest due to follow Julia Roberts on Late Show with David Letterman.

When you buy the iPhone you also have to agree to a two year contract or if you get sick of the phone or the service (which you will) you have to pay a $175 termination fee. Isn’t that nice? You will pay more in termination fees that you will for your replacement phone.

Between the price of the phone and the termination fees I guess we are going to see much more of those goofy Apple commercials with that plump Bill Gates wannabe and the slacker in the hoodie in the next few years. Just keep that in mind before you plunk down any more cash toward Steve Jobs.

The iPod is one thing, we all have them and yes it may be the single greatest invention in the last fifteen years or so. There was an itch that needed to be scratched and major props to Apple for scratching it. But do you really need the iPhone or do you just want to be the first person you know to get one? We all have cellphones and some of us have Blackberries, and they work fine.

Is anyone losing sleep because they can’t watch Titanic on their Blackberry?? If so, they need to take a cruise and go overboard in the middle of the night.

If you really want an iPhone try to be patient and wait about two years. The price will come down 75%, the storage will jump by a factor of ten, Apple will partner with a more reliable service provider, and for once in your life you‘ll glad not to be first.

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