Saturday, April 21, 2007

We’re Going to Disneyworld (Part III)

I spent the rest of the flight feeling jealous about Big Kurtis’ big lifestyle. I realized I was a bigger loser that I originally thought. Like a good husband I also frequently checked on my wife and kids. They were all doing well.

Toward the end of the flight my wife was in deep conversation with some guy who looked like he just graced the cover of GQ Magazine. They were clinking two glasses of Cheap Airline Chardonnay together as I approached. “Oh hi honey” she said in a giddy and startled tone. “This is Todd” Todd?? What a pussy name I thought to myself. “Hey” he said, as I stood there with an extended hand. He just nodded, no handshake occurred. What a total douche.

Kurtis had kindly offered to switch seats with my wife an hour and half into a two hour flight. “I’m okay” she said. “I’ll just stay here since the flight is going to land soon” she answered glancing over at Todd the douche who smirked his approval.

I married a total whore!

Next I went to see how the kids were doing. They were watching magic tricks performed by a guy with a Mohawk, many tattoos, and multiple piercings, many of which were imbedded in his face. Marbles could fit through holes in his earlobes.

Daddy this is Razor, he is a magician and a clown” my nine year old daughter explained. “Can he come to my birthday party at the Magic Kingdom?” “Pleeease Daddy”. I’d seen enough, I rounded up the whole crew, I told my wife to put down the wine and switch seats with Kurtis, I told the kids to come with me. “I want to be just like Razor when I grow up, and I want to keep sitting next to him” my seven year old son protested as I pulled him away. “NO, YOU DON’T, I shouted back to him. “Can I get a tattoo at Disney, dad?” he asked. “Keep moving” I answered.

My wife and I placed the kids on our laps. The flight attendants were on us like flies on shit. “Sir, TSA regulations state everyone must have their own seat” one chirped. I wish she was that quick to approach me when I was looking for that second Budweiser. “We will land in approximately fifteen minutes, the children must be seated and belted” she continued.

A nice couple who were seated one row ahead of my kids and Razor had volunteered to let our kids take their seats for the remainder of the flight. The couple had taken a liking to our kids earlier in the flight and didn’t mind the trouble of moving or Razor.

We landed in fantastic sunny Orlando without any further incidents. Of course, our luggage on the other hand decided to catch a connecting flight to Atlanta to check out a Braves game

“Sir, we are terribly sorry for this inconvenience, we will have your bags sent to the hotel as soon as they arrive” As soon as they arrive happened to be two days later...

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