Tuesday, February 06, 2007

One Small Step for Mankind, One Long Drive for Womankind

Did astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak drive 900 miles non-stop from Houston to Orlando in diapers to kill or just apply a beat down to another female astronaut Colleen Shipman?


Or was it Pampers?

One thing we know for sure is that she didn’t make that trip in poopy pants to ride Space Mountain at Disneyworld. She was arrested carrying a bag filled with rubber tubing, $600 in cash, a knife, BB gun, pepper spray, a steel mallet, and garbage bags. Maybe she’s got a part-time maintenance gig at Disneyworld?

Nowak now faces charges of attempted first-degree murder in Florida. Since she is an astronaut and flew on the Space Shuttle Discovery I guess they have to consider her a flight risk.

Novak is married with three kids, the object of her affection; astronaut William Oefelein, is married with two kids. I thought these rocket science types were far too busy studying inter-planetary formations to think about sex. Hell, they even went so far as to change the once funny name to say of “Your-Anus” to the boring and safe “Youranis” to further bolster this myth. But, I guess I was wrong….way wrong since Oefelein was involved with two female astronauts and keeping his earthling wife happy all at the same time. Apparently, astronauts really do love them some Tang down at the appropriately named Johnson Space Center.

This embarrassment along with a few shuttle crashes leads me to the real issue, which is “Do we really need a space program”?

Consider the following NASA figures: the Space Shuttle Endeavor, the one built to replace the Challenger cost approximately $1.7 billion. The average cost to launch a Space Shuttle cost about $450 million per mission…and no it CAN’T even fly to the moon!!

The pro-space camp will say we need space travel to study the effects of global warming and to monitor the ever growing hole in the ozone layer and to study melting glacier ice caps…. I say the melting caps are happening right here on earth in Antarctica. You don’t need a shuttle trip to see it , take a Cessna, a good camera, and some warm clothes.

They say we use space travel to launch satellites…I say I have cable.

They say they use space travel for research to develop cheap and environmentally friendly energy….I say each shuttle mission uses 500,000 gallons of fuel, stop one mission and by default you’ve just become more environmentally friendly.

I have to think you could spend the $450 million per launch for a lot more meaningful research here on earth. But then again, I’m no rocket scientist, so what do I know?


Willy B. Good said...

I ain't a rocket scientist either but that last line sure gave me a blast

ps- hope you and Bud have kissed and made up

Will Teullive said...

willy b,
Now that's funny!! I don't think Bud and I will share a Snickers anytime soon. He likes the taste of nuts and I don't.