Monday, January 22, 2007

Baby You Can Drive My Car…Right To The Bank

Heather, Heather, Heather. Now that it’s over between you and Sir Paul can I call you? Email? Fax? IM? Please. I can’t play multiple instruments, I can’t even write silly love songs, but I can do whatever you say, whenever you say.. real good.

Landmines… I hate ‘em too
The Fur Trade in Canada…Let’s get those bastards, not the seals.. the bad canucks!
The war in Iraq...terrible idea! What’s that Heather? You support the war in Iraq? Yes me too. Cheers Tony Blair. Splendid job, simply splendid!

Paul and Heather Mills; who were married in June 2002 in a lavish ceremony at an Ireland castle. McCartney and his soon-to-be ex-wife had a daughter, Beatrice Milly, in October 2003. Paul blamed the media for the deterioration of their marriage. Yeah, sure the media is to blame, that’s it! That’s like blaming the internet for my calloused hands, poor eye site and unquenchable appetite for pornography,. Bad analogy, nevermind.

Paul, don’t you think it has more to do with the fact that you are 63 and she is 38?

You have platinum albums older than her! She thinks Sgt. Pepper was the nice police officer who helped find her kitty as a child.

Paul McCartney wrote some of the greatest music and lyrics of all time. Yet he didn’t feel the need to spend a few hours to scribe a pre-nup? Paul refused claiming a pre-nup to be “unromantic”. Note to Paul – even more unromantic than the pre-nup is the full-on reaming you took sans lubricant.

Now Sir Paul McCartney will give Heather Mills a $62 million cash and property payoff to end their bitter divorce battle, it was reported yesterday. Not a bad windfall for four years of marriage! Paul was on tour for probably a year or so of the four, so she it wasn’t even four full years.

I can hear Yoko now yapping “You grow girl!” English translation “You go girl!” Poor John and George are turning over in their graves or just stirring in their cremation urns, and Ringo is looking to round up some more has-beens for his “All-Star” 2007 summer ’tour.

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