Late November News to Abuse

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock headed for Divorce Court The high profile pair married less than four months ago. Kid Rock filed papers after coming to the harsh realization that “Hepatitis C” is not a multi-vitamin.




Jesse Jackson and Others Seek N-Word Ban in Entertainment
The Rev. Jesse Jackson will meet with TV and film executives to discuss banning the use of the N-word in the entertainment industry. When asked to comment one executive at BET pronounced “That n***** is out of his damned mind if think that’s ever going to happen!”

Pope Benedict XVI arrives in Turkey
Pope Benedict arrived in Turkey on his first visit to the Muslim country. Upon his arrival at the airport he quickly endeared himself to the natives by stating “I love all towelheads”

Comedian Tracy Morgan arrested for drunk driving
Comic actor Tracy Morgan, star of the television show “30 Rock” was arrested for drunk driving early on Tuesday. When asked for a comment an apparently still drunk Morgan said; “It could have been worse, at least they didn’t search my crack for crack”

Britney: “Paris is my Idol”
Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are quickly becoming the best of friends. Britney was quoted as saying “I really missed having someone in my life that does nothing but party and has no real talent, since I kicked Kevin to the curb and all.”

Dallas Cowboys cut kicker Vanderjagt
Bill Parcells finally had it with kicker Mike Vanderjagt; who was just 13 of 18 on field goals this year. After being informed of his release a pissed off Vanderjagt attempted to kick a Gatorade bucket through the locker room door but missed wide right.

PETA names Nicole Ritchie worst-dressed Celebrity
PETA may issue a retraction after realizing what they thought was a dead garter snake around her neck was actually just her neck.

Matt Lauer’s Wife gives birth to third child
The baby boy named after his father; was born in NYC on Tuesday 9:37AM weighed in at 7 pounds, 4 ounces. Baby Roker and mom are both said to be doing well.

A Pedophile Exposed on ‘Desperate Housewives’
The women of Wisteria Lane suspect their new neighbor maybe a pedophile. By the way this was Michael Jackson’s first TV appearance in primetime since the Martin Brashear interview.

Kerry Ranks last in likeability poll for politicians
Sen. John Kerry mulling a second bid for the presidency finished dead last in a poll on the likeability of 20 top American political figures, just below Mark Foley and Jim McGreevey.