Monday, May 29, 2006

Random Rambling Second Thoughts

I have a friend who is a chef. He has a pus-filled oozing skin infection. He makes everything from scratch.

This season ‘Desperate Housewives’ storylines had less depth than a Nicole Ritchie bowel movement.

I used to have six-pack abs now I’ve got the Coors Lite Beer bubble.

Phone sex is about the safest sex you can have with a complete stranger. A condom over the phone during phone sex is even safer.

I’ve never had any one-night stands, but I’ve had my share of one-night lay downs.

I once dated a girl with a chemical imbalance; her left breast implant was bigger than her right.

My boss is a real micro-manager. Not at the office but on the field. He manages a softball team of little people.

I have two friends who are doctors. One is a proctologist, the other a psychiatrist. They both spend their days examining nuts.

I know a woman who is a pre-op transsexual and on the surgery waiting list. Her name is Anita Johnson.

I like my shadow, but I have to remind him sometimes when he gets too cocky that he puts his pants on the same way I do.

My gay brothers sex life is much like his favorite yogurt- fruit on the bottom.

I know a woman who testified against the Mafia and is now in the Witness Protection Program. Her name is Anne Anonymity.

Two of my favorite Olympic athletes: Eamonn Fyre ; an Irish Archery Gold Medalist and Seymour Toukas; a Greek Greco-Roman Wrestling Gold Medalist.

My brother-in-law is so fragile he tore his ACL running a fund-raiser.

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