Monday, May 01, 2006

Before They Make Me Rum

Keith Richards suffered a concussion while falling from a coconut tree in Fiji’s exclusive Wakaya Club. Keith Richards is a billionaire. Couldn’t he just pay someone to get all shit-faced and pick the coconuts for him.

How much rum did Skeletor actually think were in the coconuts to convince him to go all Tarzan?

Just for shits and giggles and after the coconut incident, Keef then jumps on a Jet-Ski and wipes out suffering more cranial trauma. With all due respect, he needs another blow to the head as much as Joan Rivers needs another facelift.

I remember seeing videotape of Keith and Ozzy Osbourne in deep conversation a few years back… there hasn’t been that much mangled English since the Revolutionary War.

While the band has not confirmed the palm tree or Jet Ski stories, it has confirmed Richards was hurt and hospitalized.

"Earlier this week, [Richards] suffered a mild concussion while on holiday in Fiji," a spokesperson for the rocker and the band said in a statement Monday on the Stones' official Website.

Keith was admitted to Ascot Hospital in Auckland, New Zealand, about the closest major landmass to Fiji. Apparently Fiji has no adequate medical facilities.. just witch doctors sticking needles in hand crafted dolls while casting spells on whitey.

New Zealand's TV3 showed Richards' wife and crew taking bags and three guitars into the facility, observing that it looked "like the veteran rocker was in for a long stay."

His fluids are good, he's receiving 50ccs of Rebel Yell Scotch every hour or so through an IV tube.

If forty-five years of drugs, booze, cigarettes, unprotected sex, and a bitchy Mick Jagger haven’t been able to kill Keith, he will be damned if a coconut or a Jet-Ski send him for the big dirt nap.

I’m just glad to hear that his liver didn’t suffer any damage during his stay in Fiji.

No comments: