Sunday, April 09, 2006

I Love It When You Talk News In Bed

I never thought Katie Couric to be hot until the ink dried on the new deal which pays her $15 mil per year to anchor the CBS Evening News. That some real sweet coin just to read the teleprompter to a bunch of septuagenarians. I couldn’t tell you who she is replacing or even who her competition is, and if I could I’d slap myself with my good hand.

Does anyone watch the evening news anymore or even the local news for that matter? I have the attention span of a crack addicted rabbit and I don’t have the time or patience to wait until the news comes on to get my daily briefing. I can find all the news that’s fit to scan right at my fingertips online.

Katie will also become part of the 60 Minutes team. In what role? Visiting nurse? “Okay Mr. Rooney please bend over time for your suppository”. The following week a still sore Andy asks "Did you ever notice how visiting nurses named Katie like to stick things in your dumper?"

There must be something in the water over at CBS because Walter Cronkite is still alive. I saw him on Larry King (another fossil) talking about how he loves those crazy kids who host 60 Minutes. Cronkite was old when Kennedy died, no not junior, the one that was President.

Meredith Viera will take Katie’s spot next to Tom Cruise’s worst nightmare; Matt Lauer on Today. Meredith will pocket a cool 10 mil a year to fake guffaw at Al Roker’s stale one liners. She will maintain her professionalism and converse eye to eye with Ann Curry without suggesting a psych med or two. It’s probably not a hard gig after years of dealing with those housefraus on ‘The View’. If Barbara Walters has another facelift she will be sporting a pubic goatee. And why were at it, who the hell let all the air out of Star Jones?

I heard all the experts fawning over Meredith and how serious a journalist she is. Meredith’s been known to talk about porn flicks she's watched, and how on occasion she will go all reverse cow girl on her husband as he sleeps.

Who says girls named Meredith are frigid? That’s just hot!

No comments: