Saturday, April 01, 2006

Yeah, But Can It Lip-Sync?

Connecticut sculptor Daniel Edwards created the "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston," which depicts Britney Spears crouching naked on a bearskin rug as her baby emerges.

"I admire her. This is an idealized figure," the Connecticut-based artist tells the Associated Press – also admitting that he's never met or even spoken to his 24-year-old subject.

I don't know about you but I can't think of a better way to display ones admiration than a depiction of doggy-style nudity on bearskin?? How about a nice oil painting, flowers or maybe even a candygram? Any of the above would have done the trick there Michelangelo.

Actually I have to say the piece is really life-like. During my initial gander I became stiffer than the death penalty or the statue.

Edwards is working on a matching piece with Kevin Federline as the subject. It’s tentatively titled “Unemployed Talentless Whigger on Couch with Remote and Bad Credit.”

Edwards plans to display his artwork at the Capla Kesting Fine Art gallery in Brooklyn's Williamsburg neighborhood. He has already received hundreds of requests for tickets from Tom Cruise; who could be heard shouting to a frightened and weeping Katie Holmes in the background “We are going to be as quiet and still as the cement Britney when it’s our time little girl, you got that, I said you got that little girl!!”

Britney doesn’t have the most tread on the tractor tire, but somebody needs to tell her it’s not required to give birth the same way you got pregnant… doggy-style on a bear skin rug, clutching a lions head. It’s a shame Edwards couldn’t recreate the Louisiana roadside bar men’s room floor to fully capture the night of conception.

Not to boast, but I know firsthand Britney likes to get her freak-on over a leopard skin, not a bearskin rug. She also has a mole on the inner part of the left cheek, which sadly I didn’t see represented in the piece.

In the interest of full disclosure, I call my right hand “firsthand Britney.” Oops I did it again.

Some people are really pissed about this whole thing. I don’t really care if you are for abortion or against it. That’s none of my bidness. But the pro-choice heads need to chill on this one. This cat is trying to make a few bucks with his Play-Doh creations. It's not like he's the one who knocked her up.

I’m just glad he chose Britney Spears as his subject. He could have completed an earlier work …”The Neverland Slumber Party."

Then all of us would have something to complain about.

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