Tuesday, January 24, 2006

You Have No Friends in Pennsylvania

My cousin from Pittsburgh called to crow about his team and to tell me how much the Eagles and Philadelphia as a city blow chunks . He said, “Me and my boys are going to pond beers as we drive ott to Detroit to watch the Steelers kick ass”. I said "Hey, first of all the word is pronounced POUND not POND second of all the word is pronounced OUT, not OTT and third of all I don’t give a rat’s ass what you and your jagoff friends are up to."

You see our collective dilemmas as Eagles fans and co-habitants of Pennsylvania are spelled out in our grim football history. The Steelers won 4 Super Bowls, been to 14 AFC Championship games. We’ve been to 5 NFC Championship games and lost 2 Super Bowls… Ouch.

I’m not afraid to admit it, I’m real jealous.

The Steelers are currently owned by the Rooney family and have been for the last 65 years !! We used to have an owner that really wanted to win in Leonard Tose, but between the booze and the gambling he could never quite get us over the hump. He came damned close to flying the ‘Birds out west back in ’85. Next came “the guy in France” who only wanted to own the team for a few years to get maximum return on his investment. You never got the feeling he cared about wins or losses all that much. Now the current regime is lead by a self-confessed fantasy football geek with a rich mommy who was nice enough to buy him a team. I think he wants to win but only if it’s fiscally responsible.

The 6-10 season we just suffered through is a direct result of being fiscally responsible. Sure, we had a ton of injuries, but so did a lot of other teams. The only difference, most teams had suitable back-up players to step up to the challenge. The Eagles roster has as much depth as a Jessica Simpson monologue on the benefits of solar energy.

Amazingly, the Steelers have only had two coaches over the last 37 years, Chuck Knoll and Bill Cowher. Cowher is a lifelong Steelers fan who grew-up in suburban Pittsburgh. The Rich Kotite and Ray Rhodes era last only a few years but I know it felt more like 37.

To add insult to sports hernia, the Steelers are lead by Ben Roethlisberger, a second year QB. How many years has Donovan been around?

I can’t deal with these all these Steelers fans rearing their obnoxious heads to brag about their team. Eagles fans should never be out obnoxious-ed by anyone, especially people from our own state. But the facts are the facts, Steelers fans know what it’s like to see their coach and owner hoist the Lombardi Trophy. We Eagle fans know what it’s like to here “Wait until next year” Well guess what? Next year always seems to come up short.

Bottom line here, I can’t stand to see the Steelers win another title. You’ve had your fill of Super Bowls; you need another one like Dick Cheney needs another cardiac epsiode. So, Steelers fans on Super Bowl Sunday do me a favor, drink your Iron City Beer, eat your Primanti sandwich, take a swim out in the Monongahela and dry yourself with the terrible towel.

I’m still rooting for the ‘Birds.

Go Seahawks!!

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