Sunday, January 29, 2006

Willie Nelson's new detour for the tour bus?

Customs agents found a tunnel about the length of eight football fields connecting Mexico and the United States. Mexican authorities seized two tons of weed in a warehouse near Tijuana. Experts said the passageway “Bore all the hallmarks of an operation by a major drug cartel”. No, you really think so?? We all thought it was a natural phenomenon, like Crystal Cave.

That's some great deductive reasoning there El Capitan!!

Let’s face it, our borders are as wide open as any group of NFL receivers in a scrimmage with Temple. You’ll witness more protection in a porn film than you will at either the Mexican or Canadian borders. It seems like anyone can get into this country and once here they become almost impossible to track. The student visa system is laughable. If 35 year-old Ilik Aman from Saudi Arabia wants to learn how to fly or study explosives we should make sure it never happens here again. By the way, if you’ve got hair growing out of your ears you are too old to be a student no matter where you’re from… period!

We should all feel really safe knowing an illegal construction project with electricity, a ventilation system, sump pumps, cement flooring, and wood roofing took shape without anyone in law enforcement knowing about it. The tunnel clearance is six feet high and the width is about five feet. It wasn’t like these guys knocked this out on a Saturday afternoon over a case of Yuengling's Lager. This project probably took months or years and if Penndot was involved it could have been a decade or more.

You would think maybe the Maytag repair border guards may have heard or seen something?? At least once? I don't know like the screech of a backhoe gauging masssive chunks of earth? Or perhaps the steady caravan of fully loaded dump trucks cruising past the Customs building?

"Hey Orville, You think dem trucks got Hemis?"

If I so much as take my circular saw and a 2x4 from the shed, the Drew Carey looking township inspector is so far up my tunnel he can tickle my lungs with his clipboard while chirping “You got a permit for that?”

Our national borders are much like Border's books stores. You are free to come in, have some coffee, roam around from section to section unwatched, and study about any subject that interests you. But, judging by the time I saw two security guards pummel that pimply faced 16 year old Goth kid who tried to jack a Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone book, I think the security at Border’s may be tighter.

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