Over at the Walgreens

I walked into the Walgreens to buy a small tube of moisturizer for my sandpaper-like parched dry face. I also bought an anniversary card for my wife, and a Vitamin Water. The following conversation occurred with the cashier (a guy, early twenties crew cut, many tattoos, a couple on his neck as I placed the tube of moisturizer on the counter to start paying for my items….

CASHIER: (Laughing as he sees me place the small tube on the counter). “I think I know what you are doing with this !”

ME: “What’s that?”

CASHIER: (Still Laughing) “Travel size easy to conceal…. “Are you going on a trip? Or just rubbin’ a quick one out in the car?”

ME: (Embarrassed looking left to right) “It’s for my face, I have very dry skin”

CASHIER: “I just use hand soap myself”

ME: (Pushing the anniversary card and the Vitamin Water), “Look at this card, do you see what it is?”

CASHIER: “Okay”

ME: “It’s an anniversary card…I’m married ten years this Saturday”

CASHIER: “You have been married ten years…to the same woman?”

ME: “Yes”

CASHIER: “Same woman for ten years?”

ME: “Yeah asshole same woman! , I’m not a fuckin’ Mormon”

CASHIER: “You getting’ any strange on the side?”

ME: “Just ring me out already dickhead!”

CASHIER “Ten years, same pussy, now I know you are using this for beat-off cream!!”

ME: “That nobody’s business but mine….and my right hand”