Thursday, April 26, 2007

Rosie O’Donnell Leaving The View to Join The Apprentice

Rosie will leave The View in June after failing to agree on an extended deal with ABC. She is set to ink a multi-year deal with NBC to be a judge on Donald Trump’s The Apprentice.

“She’s a fat, disgusting, stupid, and vile pig, and I wouldn’t hit that with my car if she was straight, but bottom line- she is ratings gold and I really look forward to working with her, Rosie you’re hired!” said Donald Trump.

NBC spokesman Gerald Miller added “We are looking to bolster our female demographic and women audiences love Rosie, and Rosie really, really loves women!”

When asked if NBC is worried about any lingering animosity between O’Donnell and Trump in their long running war of words, Miller said “We gladly anticipate and fully expect venom between Donald and Rosie. Public hostility between celebrities’ equal huge ratings no matter if it’s real or not, look at Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest as one example. We view this feud as an untapped area of potential revenue growth. So far, the only areas attacked were Rosie’s weight, and Donald’s hair. Weight Watchers and Just for Men Hair Color already signed on as sponsors for next season. Just wait until Donald and Rosie exploit the multitude of other personal defects each possesses. The sponsorship possibilities are boundless!

Over at The View they don’t seem to be shedding any tears over Rosie’s exodus. “June can’t come fast enough for me! How’s THE VIEW from the unemployment line, Rosie? I can finally go back to being the only loud mouthed New York liberal on the show… and Barbara too of course….sorry boss” said Joy Behar.

“I don’t know how many times I had to tell her, NO means NO!! I like men, and if I ever did decide to go the other way the woman would have to be a Republican and look like me , well, because I’m hot” added Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

When asked to comment, Barbara Walters was tight lipped… thanks to the terrific work of her Manhattan plastic surgeon Dr. Marc Katz. But she did manage to tell us the following; “We weely wanted to work things out with Wosie” as she hopelessly attempted to wink. “But it didn’t happen, so now we need to find a weplacement… Good Widdance Wosie!!... Oh it huwts to laugh”

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