Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Baby You Can Drive My Car…Right To The Bank

Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a Goldigger..but she ain’t messin’ with no broke singer.
~Kayne McCartney

Heather, Heather, Heather. Now that it’s over between you and Sir Paul can I call you? Email? Fax? IM? Please. I can’t play multiple instruments, I can’t even write silly love songs, but I can do whatever you say, whenever you say.. real good.

Landmines… I hate ‘em too.
The Fur Trade in Canada…Let’s get those bastards, not the seals.. the bad Canucks!
The war in Iraq...terrible, terrible idea! What’s that you say, Heather? You support the war in Iraq? Yes me too. Cheers Tony Blair.. splendid job, simply splendid!

Paul and Heather Mills were married in June 2002 in a lavish ceremony at an Ireland castle. McCartney and his soon-to-be ex-wife had a daughter, Beatrice Milly, in October 2003.

Paul blamed the media for the deterioration of their marriage. Yeah, sure the media is to blame, that’s it! That’s like blaming the internet for my calloused hands, poor eye site, and unrelenting appetite for pornography. Um..bad analogy, nevermind.

Paul, don’t you think it has more to do with the fact that you are 63 and she is 38?

You have platinum albums older than her! She thinks Sgt. Pepper was that nice police officer who helped find her kitty as a child.

Paul McCartney wrote some of the greatest music and lyrics of all time. Yet he didn’t feel the need to spend a few hours to scribe a pre-nup? Paul refused claiming a pre-nup to be “unromantic”. Note to Paul – even more unromantic than a pre-nup is the full-on reaming you are about to take.. sans lubricant.

Lawyers are estimating Heather Mill’s projected share of the former Beatle’s fortune at between $188 million and $376 million. Not a bad windfall for four years of marriage! Paul was on tour for probably a year or more, so it wasn’t even a four full years of wedded bliss. Nice work Heather!

I can hear Yoko yapping now: “You grow gril!” English translation: “You go girl!” Poor John and George are turning over in their graves or just stirring in their cremation urns, and Ringo could care less and is just looking to round up some more has-beens for his “All-Star” summer tour.

2 comments:

Sex Blogger said...

Hey!! there are very few people in the whole seal business here in Canada! >:( We are against it too!

Will said...

Yeah I know most Canadians are against it too. I saw Heather had poor old Paul ice walking somewhere in New Foundland in sub-zero temps. trying to stop the clubbing (along with mostly Canadians).

If I was a 60-something billionaire, my ass would be on a beach with face buried in a tropical drink mostly comprised of very expensive rum.