Friday, August 19, 2005

Having a Baby

My wife was into her last trimester and she needed to see the doctor every week to see how far dilated she was. I said you are not a big drinker why do they want to look at her eyes.

She said ‘You idiot they want to check and see how close the baby is to coming out. I said: "No way a baby of mine will be gay, so they will NEVER have to come out!"

I went with her to the examining room and they put her in these spread like cream cheese stirrups and they proceed to put fingers in her Who-hah. And not just one doctor….. many. And other people came into the room also and I am not sure they were even doctors.

The one guy had to put his broom and dustpan down to put his latex gloves on. She is one centimeter dilated, she is two centimeters dilated. I said to the guy with the broom and dustpan ‘How do you know how many centimeters dilated she is??? ‘ Ya know when I can get one finger up there she is one centimeter, when I get two fingers she is two centimeters. It’s just then when I look and the next doctor comes in, ‘I said who are you? He says the Oral Surgeon’, I said c’mon honey we are getting out of here.

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