In The News...

World's tallest man marries, sweeps bride off feet
Bao Xishun, 56, a 2.36-metre (7-ft, 9-inch) herdsman from China's vast Inner Mongolia region and the world's tallest man married a woman two-thirds his size and almost half his age. Upon arrival at the honeymoon resort, the foreplay started immediately as Bao placed his beanbag on the blushing bride’s head.



17 People ill after Chicago food fest
Seventeen people who ate from the same booth at the Taste of Chicago food festival became ill, at least five of them with salmonella poisoning and three were actually hospitalized the health department said. The tainted goodies were complements of the Chicago Department of Sewage located underneath Division Street.

Fake firm gets nuclear license in US Government sting
Undercover investigators working for a fake firm obtained a license to buy enough radioactivity to build a Dirty Bomb. After realizing this, officials at the Dept. of Homeland Security are seeing Level Red.

Study: Women Are in Charge at Home
A study which was just released, finds that wives have more power than their husbands in making decisions and dominating discussions at home. That’s just BULLSHIT!! “What’s that honey? I need to get off the computer and help you fold the laundry. I’ll be right there muffin right after I make the bed”

California projects 60 million people by 2050
The nation's most populous state will have 59.5 million residents when it reaches the mid-century mark — nearly 22 million more than today, the state Department of Finance predicted Monday and nearly one sixth or 10 million will actually be legal.

Pope: Other Christians not true churches
Pope Benedict XVI reasserted the primacy of the Roman Catholic Church, approving a document released Tuesday that says other Christian communities are either defective or not true churches and Catholicism provides the only true path to salvation. When told about this the Reverend Jim-Bob Lee Simmons from the United Church of Trailer Parks, Gun Racks, and Spiritual Salvation in Tuscaloosa, Alabama said; “Them words show more ignorance than Cousin Skeeter during the lightning round on Jeopardy”

Money found in toilets across Japan
Envelopes containing 10,000 yen ($82) bills and well-wishing notes have been discovered in municipal toilets across Japan. You see, a diet consisting mostly of fish is not only healthy it will increase your net worth.

Queen storms out of photo shoot
Noted celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz told the Queen: "I think it will look better without the crown because the Garter robe is so ..." Before she can finish saying "extraordinary," the queen gave her an icy stare and replied: "Take the picture with my crown on you bitch, before I jam that bloody camera straight up your arse wide angle lens and all”. Cameras follow the queen as she stormed off, an official lifting the large train of her blue velvet cape off the floor.

Internet blamed for Shanghai teen pregnancies
Zhang Zhengrong, a doctor who oversees the city's first-aid hotline for pregnant teens, said 46 percent of the more than 20,000 teenage girls who called the hotline over the past two years said they had had sex with boys they met on the Internet. Most of the pregnancies can be traced back to one horny internet surfer; a Shanghai University graduate student named Bang Yeung-Tang.

Dinner guest finds host's wife, son in freezer
A Belgian man appeared in court on Friday after a woman at his dinner party found the bodies of his wife and stepson in the freezer as she put away the leftovers, prosecutors said. The man appeared relieved after realizing the guest didn’t finish the last of his Haagen-Dazs Vanilla and Cookies ice cream.