Thursday, May 10, 2007

A Conversation between President Bush and the Queen

BUSH: Ya know, you got the same name as that big ‘ole ship; Queen Elizabeth II. What are the odds?
QUEEN: That ship was named in my honour

BUSH: Dang! I wish they would name a large vessel after me. I can see “The Dubya” monster truck crushin’ ass at Monster Jam ‘08
QUEEN: One can dream, one can dream

BUSH: Do you mind if I just call you QE2 for short, and you can just me Dubya?
QUEEN: YES, I certainly do mind.

BUSH: My bad Lizzie, my bad
QUEEN: I prefer Queen Elizabeth, or Her Majesty

BUSH: Do you know Queen Latifah?

BUSH: I call her Latifah, or “Tifah”, or just “Q” if I’m chillin’in da hood
QUEEN: I don’t understand what you are saying

BUSH: Don’t feel bad, neither does anyone else in America
QUEEN: I see.

BUSH: I just love your music
QUEEN: Do you mean “God Save the Queen”, the British national anthem?

BUSH: No, I mean “We are the Champions” and “Fat Bottomed Girls”
QUEEN: I am starting to feel rather ill

BUSH: Y’all drive on the wrong side of the road in England
QUEEN: I don’t drive

BUSH: I’ve driven on the wrong side before, I was really piss drunk
QUEEN: That’s abhorrent! You should have used a designated driver

BUSH: It wasn’t abhorrent, it was Absolut….Vodker, and I had a designated driver alright, his name was Jim Beam
QUEEN: It doesn’t seem like this Jim Beam chap was a very good driver if you were on the wrong side of the road.

BUSH: No ma’am, he wasn’t. He steered me in all the wrong directions. It could’ve been worse I could’ve taken a ride from Ted Kennedy.
QUEEN: Jolly good one Dubya, jolly good one!

BUSH: Do you think I could ever visit you on the other side of the pond at Lindsey Buckingham Palace?
QUEEN: I suppose so

BUSH: It’s funny how they call it “the pond”. The Pacific Ocean ain’t no pond!!
QUEEN: You don’t say

BUSH: I can’t wait to see all the Boobies outside the Palace standing upright and firm!
QUEEN: I believe you mean the Bobbies that guard the Palace

BUSH: No ma’am, I mean Boobies. I’m coming over in the summertime. Do you know Heather Mills?
QUEEN: Good heavens!! Your thought process is utterly juvenile!

BUSH: Thanks for the kind words ma’am. I studied real hard in school
QUEEN: God bless America….PLEASE

BUSH: Ya know, I’m sorta like American royalty myself
QUEEN: How do you figure?

BUSH: Well, my daddy was President, my mama looks like George Washington, and back in high school I got a hummer from a teacher who was the spitting image of Camilla Parker-Bowles. Well…. not exactly spitting.
QUEEN: EH GADS!!! I’ve got to get back to England this instant!

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