Mistaken Identity (Part II)

“Can you tell us your whereabouts on the night of Friday February 16th at 10:00PM?” one asked. “I looked at my wife and said the 16th of February I don’t remember, why do you ask?” “There was a robbery on the 7-Eleven on Main Street; the video camera caught everything on tape”. “From the tape, we had an artist render a sketch of the perpetrator which we placed all over town” one of the police officers said. “Okay, what does this all have to do with me” I asked. “We’ve had more than one phone saying you the photo looks like you” They showed us a copy of the drawing which look absolutely nothing like me. “Oh my God I didn’t know you still had that coat!” my wife stupidly chimed in. “THAT ISN’T ME” I frantically protested. “Sure, sure it wasn’t you”. “Now can you tell us where you were on the 16th of February at 10PM?” “I took my wife out for a Valentine’s dinner, our reservation at Le Maison was for 9 o’clock, we didn’t finish until close to 11 o’clock and we were no where near Main Street that night” I added for emphasis.. Before I had a chance to further bolster the alibi, the wife informed all that out Valentine’s dinner was actually on Saturday night the 17th, not Friday the 16th as I just so confidently proclaimed.

“We’d like to come to the police station for further questioning; it’s your right to retain a lawyer at this time. IN FACT WE STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO SO.


To this point in my life the only police stations I’ve ever seen were in TV shows or movies. The Hollywood versions were much nicer than the dump I was now parked in. Since this was a case of mistaken identity and his legal skills wouldn’t be put to the test I called the cheapest lawyer I could find in the Yellow Pages. The ad stated “Been hurt in an accident, at work, in public, it’s not your fault. WE WON’T GET PAID UNTIL YOU GET PAID”. “Call Horowitz, Isenberg, Goldstein, and O’Leary at 1-800-NODOLLAR”. This is great I thought, since I’m not getting paid I won’t owe him anything when this get’s all cleared up, it’s a win-win situation for me, legal representation for free.

Hello, my name is Richard Small representing H.I.G. and O as your attorney” Just call me Dick” “Dick Small?” I questioned “I’d never heard any complaints” he chuckled back. Now worried I asked “How long have you been practicing law?” “Just a few months” he answered. I followed up with “How many cases have you handled?” “Including this one”? he asked. “Yes” I said, “Okay that would be one” he stated.

“I wish you would have gotten here before they did the cavity search” I joked. He looked around and said “They have a Dentist in this place? That’s pretty cool” he wasn’t joking. I had the sinking feeling this whole situation was rapidly headed from bad to worse…