First Week of July News to Peruse

Al Gore to address Wal-Mart executives
Al Gore will take his campaign against global warming to Wal-Mart Stores Inc. next week, speaking at Wal-Mart headquarters to executives who could give a rat’s ass about the environment, but look forward to this remedy for their chronic insomnia.

Man claims Jackson hired him to adopt boys
A former associate suing Michael Jackson' for $1.6 million suddenly claimed on the witness stand Friday that he once was dispatched to help the pop star adopt boys in Brazil, but the singer's attorney denounced the story as a smear “I vehemently deny these false and libelous allegations, Michael at no time had the desire to adopt boys in Brazil, he just wanted to borrow the boys for sleepovers and it was Portugal not Brazil.”

ACLU probes N.M. gay-gym raid
A weekend raid by law enforcement officers of the gay Pride Gym in Albuquerque, N.M., that left patrons "bullied, terrorized and humiliated" has prompted the ACLU and other groups to inquire into possible civil rights violations there. Patrons of the gym also protested the officers less than thorough cavity search.

Early drinking may speed alcohol dependence
People who begin to drink alcohol before the age of 14 years are not only more likely to become alcoholics than those who stay away from alcohol until they're 21. The research also suggests people who drink in the afternoon will get drunk before people who wait until night fall to start.

Piece of man's skull falls off, draws crowds
Doctors say a large, dead section of 25-year-old electrician Sambhu Roy's skull came away Sunday after severe burns starved it of blood .The piece came off Sunday and hundreds of people and dozens of doctors now crowd around his bed, where he lies holding the bone. After handing the piece over to the doctors, the police arrested Roy for giving head.

Operation removes lightbulb from anus
Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus. Doctors successfully removed the light bulb much to the delight of Fateh’s two cellmates; Al-Lik-Aman and Fahrk-Fateh-Zilye.

Putin kissed boy 'like a kitten'
Vladimir Putin's decision to stop a small boy as he walked through the Kremlin and kiss his stomach was prompted by a desire to "touch him like a kitten," the Russian president said on Thursday. When asked to comment Michael Jackson said “Yuk, he’s even worse than me, he fantasizes about pussy when he does it, that’s really creepy.”

Fat people not more jolly, survey says
According to a study obesity is strongly linked with depression and other mood disorders. So fat people are not more jolly, but they eat more jelly than thin people.

Study: Money Does Not Buy Much Happiness
Although most people imagine that if they had more money they could do more fun things and perhaps be happier, the reality seems to be that those with higher incomes tend to be tenser, and spend less time on simple leisurely activities. Due to the results of the study when referring to the less fortunate, the rich must now say “Look at that poor happy bastard.”

Britons tire of cruel, vulgar US: according to poll
People in Britain view the United States as a vulgar, crime-ridden society obsessed with money and led by an incompetent president whose Iraq policy is failing, according to a newspaper poll. They also have a strong distaste for the seven out of ten American dentists who recommend Crest.