Hoffensive

Seth MacFarlane- He’s got a real mind for animation, face for radio, and voice for silent films

Lisa Lampanelli - I saw her at the gym the other day doing squats, Snoop Dog and his entourage fell out of her

Gilbert Gottfried – He’s Paul Ruebens without the masturbation rap. With those squinty eyes Pam Anderson could blindfold him with her pubes if she still had any

Pam Anderson –Brett Michaels, Tommy Lee, Kid Rock. She’s banged so many tone deaf musicians the sex videos are available in closed captioning

Jerry Springer - Is to TV, what herpes is to genitalia

Hulk Hogan- He looks like my Aunt Louise; except she’s less feminine, has a fuller moustache, and athletic ability

Jeff Ross- For once I wish they would roast Jeff Ross, and it was 1939, and this was Germany

Whitney Cummings-Her jokes never have a punch line, she’s Dana Cook

George Hamilton -He no longer speaks with his ex-wives or daughters, but has a great relationship with the sun.

Greg Giraldo-The only other thing whiter than him to originate from Columbia is cocaine

David Hasselhoff – Hurry look in KITT’s trunk! That’s where you’ll find the only tune Hasselhoff can carry

Top 5 Movies Mel Gibsons glad he didn’t make..

Schindler’s List
Scent of a Women
Yentl
Madea’s Family Reunion
When a Man Loves a Woman

It Starts Young

Beyond Pathetic

Birds Perishing, Big Puddle, British Payback, Busted Pump, Bayou Pissed, Billions Paid, Bring Paddles, Butt Plug, Barack Problem, Black Pool, Broken Promises, Better Punish, Buying Prius

Super size my poison please..

Do.do.do.do.dooo...I'm contaminated'

An Inconvenient Marriage

Tipper: Al, I think we need to live in different environments

Al: Tipper I’ve been saying that for years! Global warming is killing our environment

Tipper: Not that environment! I want a divorce! Do you hear me?

Al: Is this because of the BP oil leak in the Gulf?

Tipper: What oil spill?

Al: Have I taught you nothing after all these years?

Tipper: Oh that’s right I forgot you have first hand experience with premature gushers!

Al: Tipper let’s not do this now, not here.

Tipper: Argh! Story of our marriage!

Al: I want you to really think about it while I am away. We can save the planet and our marriage! Ok I am off to Greenland to lecture on the melting polar ice caps. They will pay me $50k for an hour long talk.

Tipper: You want those fucking ice caps to stop melting do you?? Move them into our fucking bedroom!! It’s the MOST FRIGID PLACE ON EARTH!!!

Pass it On

Answer: We Are the World

Question: Name the ‘80s smash hit by musical superstars known as USA for Africa to provide famine for relief for Africa and all the people who knew Ricky Martin was queer.

Ride to Live, Live to Ride..chicks with ink

The dude’s name is Jesse James, he rides Harleys, on when he’s not riding Harleys, he working on them. He sports sleeves of ink on both arms. What do you expect him to do when the wife’s on location thousands of miles away shooting sappy chick-flicks? Is he supposed to pen her love letters and count the days ‘til she returns? Is he supposed to dust the house and water the flowers?

Of course not!! He’s bangs a chick with a tatooed forehead that looks like Marilyn Manson who wears Nazi gear!

The dude's name is Jesse James...